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I feel as if I have wandered into a dream, as though everything at last is falling into place and being exactly as it should be.

I spent the night with Herr Veidt, and he is allowing me to stay with him.

I love him, I truly do, and while he insists he doesn't love me, I suspect he's in denial. Why else would he carry on calling me a nice boy, saying I am good-looking, attempting to... distract me?

And even if he's telling the truth, I don't see why things cannot continue with this delicate arrangement we have arrived at. I am perhaps unsuitable for anything greater than being his companion and friend (and occasional vessel for him to act out his desires upon), and I should remain happy even if this is the extent of the relationship.

I cannot wait to write to Vati and tell him what has happened. He will be so pleased. It may not be mutual love (yet!), but it is certainly settling down.
((OOC: It wasn't until after I'd written this that I realized how much this makes me think of this.))

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*chokes on a combination of anger, disbelief and suicidal/homicidal-ness*

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